Sam Watford, aged 14. My son Sam was a tall, full of life teenager. When he was young he never sat still and only as a teenager started to relax. He had his difficulties in life he had Asperger’s syndrome, he found social situations difficult because he found it difficult to read peoples expressions and found it hard to understand the world around him, but saying that he loved fishing, top gear and everything to do with cars. School was difficult for him at times as he was an easy target for bullies but in year 9 he had settled and was happy at school and home. Sam had never been formally diagnosed with epilepsy. He had a tonic clonic seizure at the age of 11, it happened the night before he was due to start High School a few days after we had moved. He was stressed about starting a new high school where he knew nobody. He was also covered in a viral rash from top to toe. Sam had warning signs before his seizure so we were alerted that something wasn’t right and I was with him when it happened. We went into hospital and saw a paediatrician who felt it was probably a one off and caused by the virus that had caused his rash. I noticed afterwards that Sam experienced absent moments (petit mal seizures) regularly during the day and as he was under the care of a paediatrician I mentioned this when we saw him. Sam’s Asperger’s syndrome caused him lots of difficulties and he had quite severe mood swings. It was decided to start him on an anti-epileptic drug which was also known to improve moods. Within a week of starting this drug Sam’s absent moment stopped completely. An EEG was requested but was found to be normal. I now believe this was perhaps due to him being on medication. Sam stayed on the drug for a year but his mood improvement only lasted a short time and it was decided by a new paediatrician that it would be a good idea to stop it as he was experiencing some side effects. I watched him all the time once the medication stopped but after nearly 2 years of him being seizure free it was thought he had out grown epilepsy and was in remission. We were having a perfectly normal day, it was the day before Sam’s brother’s birthday and two weeks and 4 days before our new baby was due. I had collected the children from school and had driven an hour for our dental appointment. Sam had slept in the car but this wasn’t unusual for him, we had arrived home later than usual but had had dinner and were winding down for the evening. I don’t want to go into the circumstances of what happened but I found Sam at 7.30 that evening. We got him into hospital where they managed to start his heart again. He was placed on life support overnight and we lost him at 8am on the day of his brothers 10th birthday. My heart broke forever that day, we walked away from the hospital, the sun was shining and the sky was a brilliant blue, how dare it?! I walked away totally shocked, what had just happened, how could it possibly happen to my healthy teenager. I could not understand how my child had been there one minute and gone the next. Sam’s post-mortem took a long time, it was inconclusive to start with so more tests were ordered. We had to delay his funeral and I had my new baby. Joshua attended Sam’s funeral aged 14 days old, I don’t know how I got through that day, I thought I would never shed so many tears again, but I was wrong the tears continue even now nearly 2 years later. The church was full and the vicar was a family friend so it was a very personal service. It was nice to hear people’s stories of Sam afterwards even if I just wanted to crawl into bed and never get up. The results of the post-mortem came in weeks and weeks later with SUDEP as a cause of death. We went to talk to the consultant who looked after Sam the last night of his life to discuss the results. Sam’s risk of SUDEP had been negligible but still his life was taken. We had been given no idea that this could of happened when he was given medication or afterwards. I still have so many unanswered questions. I will never know exactly what happened that night only what people think may have happened. Why did this happen to my healthy son? I feel robbed of the rest of Sam’s life, seeing him grow into a man, but worst of all Sam has been robbed of the rest of his life. Sam was unique; I loved for him from the second I knew he was coming. I had fought his battles and secured as much extra help for him as possible. I spent so much of my time just trying to keep Sam happy helping him to understand the world about him that suddenly life seems so empty. Sam was a really quirky young man; he liked life to revolve around him at home. In Sam’s last year I saw a real change in him, he was happy at home and school, had matured a great deal and although never took his learning seriously he was enjoying life. He was looking forward to meeting his new brother, something I feel so sad about. Joshua has been told about Sam from the moment he arrived and we have photo’s everywhere of Sam, Joshua will grow up know about his big brother. James my middle son has mellowed a lot over the past 2 years, he misses his big brother and I miss hearing them making noise and the laughter I used to hear when they were messing about. I miss Sam every second of every day and I know this will never change. I am so grateful to my husband, family and friends for the support they have given me and continue to give. Joshua and James and now Archie keep me going, I want to see them grow up and have families everything every Mum expects. Sam will be forever young, I carry him in my heart and memories always.